Sample: One-Eyed Dick and the Valley of Hades

Now this is the story of One-Eyed Dick and the Valley of Hades. Say what? You never heard of One-Eyed Dick? Why, he was a living legend of the Old West, just like Pecos Bill and John Henry. Of course, he weren’t no wild man like Bill nor bull strong like John. He was just a man with one outstanding feature, if ya know what I mean. And boy howdy, was it outstanding. Even more, he knew how to use it, and the ladies loved him for it. Which is why you probably never heard of him. His stories aren’t the kind ya tell to children, ya know?

So this story starts when Dick was working on the Hanging Bar Ranch just outside of La Junta. It had been about two years since the fight with Chief Limp Spear that cost him his eye, and two months after the scandal in Denver involving the Mayor’s daughter and her three high society friends. Dick figured he needed to lay low for a bit and no one’d be lookin’ for a ladies’ man on a ranch run by a couple of queers.

Turns out Dick was right, but he hadn’t figured on what that would mean for his own practice of the skills of love. True, he could do some of the Tantrah practices alone, but the Eastern Love Arts he’d learned from Madame Sing Sing needed a partner, and his tastes did not run on the same side of the trail as his hosts’.

So he was mighty glad to see a visitor riding up that day with long hair waving behind her. His, ahem, feature stiffened at the thought of gettin’ some of that use for which God intended it, but then shriveled right back up when Dick realized who the visitor was: Lesbo Linda.

Wait, you never heard of Lesbo Linda either? Where you been living? Well, to be fair, she wasn’t that big a legend, seein’ as how she never left Colorado much. Still, you heard of Calamity Jane, right? Well, Lesbo Linda made Calamity Jane look like a choir girl. Linda could outshoot, outride, out-drink, and out-cuss just about any man alive, except maybe Doc Holliday. She was also rumored to be able to out-fuck anyone but Dick, takin’ into account that they both only fucked women, but them stories was based on her younger years before she shacked up with the Love of her Life, Penny Boregard. She also hated seeing hard dicks, and was known to forcibly rearrange a gentleman’s privates should he wave them in her general direction. In truth, Lesbo Linda was man enough to make the men cowboys wet their underpants and woman enough to make the ladies cream theirs.


Cover for the book Friends and Benefits

 Want more of One-Eyed Dick?

Now this here is the story of One-Eyed Dick and the Valley of Hades. Say what? You never heard of One-Eyed Dick? Why then just sit on back and listen to how a living legend of the Old West challenged the Devil himself to a sex contest…

If ya like tall tales with naughty scenes, you’ll like One-Eyed Dick.